I caved yesterday, and I signed up for three months on Match.com. I had a weekend full of ups and downs, and while I was curled up on my couch crying because my hair cut got screwed up, I decided I had to do something – anything – to make a change. I’m not convinced online dating is the answer, but I am always willing to try something new. So we’ll see… if anything, it will give me plenty of fodder for good blog posts. I do it all for you, dear readers.
So far, I’m completely overwhelmed. There’s just so. much. stuff. What is my body type? How do I describe myself so it comes off as natural and fun and interesting, but not braggy or weird? Do I wink at a guy? Do I go for it and email him? Let them email me?
And when I search, thousands of people come up. I could lose hours of my life looking through all of the profiles. So I’m working on my own, internal grading system to try to sort through it all and help me find a guy I want to go out with:
You have a dog, or at least have pictures with a dog: +10. It’s a small, yappy dog: -15.
You have pictures of yourself without a shirt on: -10. You look really, really good without a shirt on: +5. You look really, really good without a shirt on, and you’re on a beach with your dog: +10.
You like hockey: +20. You’re a Rangers fan: -10. You’re a Flyers fan: -40. You’re an Islanders fan: +10. (I feel bad for you.)
You have an MBA from Harvard: +10. I’m intrigued. You must be smart, but you might be a huge douchebag, so I’m only awarding you 10 points for now. You’ll have to earn more.
You don’t drink: -50. Seriously, what are you going to do with my friends and me?
Your “about me” makes me actually laugh out loud: +50.
Your political views are described as “conservative:” -20. “Extremely conservative:” -40. (Yes, being a Flyers fan is as unattractive to me as being extremely conservative.)
You’re originally from New England: -1 for each picture in which you are wearing a Red Sox hat. Too predictable.
You work in film or music: no points. You could have a really interesting job, or you could actually be mostly unemployed and occasionally freelance on a music video shoot for Rebecca Black.
You work in finance: no points. Your job will bore me to tears, but maybe you’ll take me out to a really nice, expensive restaurant that I can’t afford on my own.
You like to travel, and your pictures reflect it: +20.
You list an interesting book in your “last read” section: +25. You list Maxim: -50.
So, readers… any advice for me? Things to do? Things to avoid? How would you describe me? What’s a good opening email? I need help, if I’m going to get my money’s worth out of this thing. My expectations are not incredibly high – I’d be happy with three or four new dates during the next three months – but if I go three months without meeting anyone, that might be the point where I decide to be celibate for the rest of my life.