My official guide to shaking a bad day.

Sorry, friends. I really thought I’d get the Elite Eight voting up and running by tonight, but the week got away from me. I’ve been dealing with some unexpected crises at work this week, and after a long day and a long commute, I haven’t had much energy to do anything but sit my ass on my couch with a glass of wine and a hockey game… and last night I didn’t even have the energy to stay awake for an overtime game. Did you read that? I turned off a playoff game. I just don’t do that. That’s how tired I’ve been.

I’ve got a cure for weeks like this, though. And being the giving person that I am, I’d like to share it with you. I start with Buzzfeed’s 13 Simple Steps to Get You Through a Rough Day. And if those steps don’t work, I have a few additional ones of my own.

1. Look at Sidney Crosby’s butt.

Wait, you’re still here? You haven’t drifted off into a fantasy in which that butt and those shoulders and those arms are a constant presence in your life, in which you settle in to a pleasant existence in a Sewickley mansion and your only worries in life are scheduling a pedicure before fighting traffic to get to games, in which you have dinners with Mario and spend summers in Nova Scotia, and are the first person Sid looks for when he wins his next Stanley Cup? No? That’s just me? Fine then, moving on.

2. Watch Matt Bomer and Darren Criss sing Somebody That I Used to Know. I haven’t watched Glee in an entire season, but there are still moments that I remember why I used to love it, and this is one of them.

3. Google corgi puppies.

4. Queue up the cheesy pop music. N Sync. Ke$ha. Carly Rae Jepsen. One Direction. Soul Decision. Spice Girls. Britney. Dance.

5. Watch this scene from The Departed and imagine you are Vera Farmiga.

6. Watch The Handsome Men’s Club.

7. Watch The Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video.

8. Peruse someecards.

9. Drink wine.

If you’re not feeling better by that point, I have no further advice. Other than to go back to Sid’s butt.

Anyway, the Elite Eight voting will commence on Monday. I’ve polled my friends, and I’ve got additional evidence to support the cases for any of these men. It’s going to be an interesting, unpredictable round.


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