It’s just one of those days.

I downloaded this song from Napster and put it on on my “Anger Management” Winamp playlist circa 2000. This list also consisted of a lot of Eminem. A lot. I wasn’t a particularly angry girl. I was just a white girl at a liberal arts college who thought Eminem was the hottest thing on earth. But I digress.

Today was one of those days when I really wanted to just come home, change into sweatpants, lay on the couch, and have someone else bring me a bottle of wine and dinner. It was nothing serious that put me in a bad mood; it was just a bunch of little things that added up, and by the time some idiot was watching anime on his laptop without headphones on the train while I was trying to read, I was just ready to crawl in bed and try to start over tomorrow.

Alas, I had nothing and no one to come home to except enough wine for only one glass, a freezer full of Lean Cuisines, and The Unusuals queued up on Hulu Plus. (Readers, be happy I didn’t know about this show two months ago. I would have annoyed the bejesus out of you campaigning for a mysterious ex-baseball player turned New York cop who looks good in a leather jacket wielding a gun played by my current celebrity obsession in the TV Boyfriend Bracket.)

I like to believe I don’t need anyone else. I’ve survived this long on my own, and I’m fully capable of doing almost anything without help. (Almost anything. I still can’t kill spiders.) But there are some nights where, dammit, I just want someone else to take care of me, and this was one of those nights. I’d just like a little companionship. Maybe some home-cooked food that I don’t have to actually make. Just to take a night off from worrying and stressing and have someone else do the dirty work.

It’s frustrating that I’m feeling this way on a day when I received a few texts from the Pittsburgh guy asking when we were hanging out again. I replied that my weekend was booked, but could potentially meet up on Sunday or Tuesday, and his reply was:

Sunday works for me. Or Tuesday. ::gasp:: maybe both. 😉

We’ll talk about the wisdom of guys using “gasp” or winky faces in texts at a later time, but here’s the point: there’s a guy in this city who wants to see me not only once, but twice, next week. He’s interested, and we had a good time the first time, and everything should be good, right? All I can think is, eh. I suppose. All I can think about is the guys who aren’t calling me, because isn’t that what women always do? Don’t we always want the ones who don’t want us? And while I can’t find a single reason not to go out with him, I can’t find a single reason that’s making me really want to either.

I’ll still go out with him Sunday. And heck, maybe Tuesday. But what the heck is wrong with me when, on a night where I just want companionship, I can only dwell on the negatives of a potential companion instead of the positives?


One thought on “It’s just one of those days.

  1. Have you read the book “Blink”? It deals with first impressions and gut feelings and how they are almost always right. Your “blink” must be telling you there is something not quite right. It doesn’t have to be an “OMG, this guy is a serial killer” feeling. Something told you that yeah, nice enough guy, not not what I am looking for right now.

    Doesn’t your local liquor store deliver? Have their delivery boy wait on you with a nice bottle of cabernet. I know, I know…not quite the same!

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