Well, my karma payout didn’t last long.
Just as I thought my life was settling down and that things were going my way, I got kicked back to the curb and punched around a little more for good measure. I was informed that my job was being eliminated, and just like that, I joined the ranks of the single most important election season statistic. As I sit here writing this, I have no job… and I have no idea what I’m doing next.
Yet I’m in a surprisingly good mood. Well, good might be an overstatement, but I’m doing ok. It helps that I had an amazing weekend planned and concentrated all of my energy on spending it with my favorite New York ladies and some of my favorite men in the world. On Friday night, I saw “If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet,” starring Jake Gyllenhaal. I knew nothing about the play before going, and I didn’t really care, because prior to The Summer of Renner, Jake had a firm hold on the #1 spot on my celebrity crush list. And so when I heard he was going to be in a show in New York, and that my friend could get us tickets for only $22, well, I jumped at the opportunity. And you know what? It was an interesting show. The staging was fantastic. The theater was tiny, so even in the last row I had a perfect view of all the hotness on display. (Even with shaggy hair and a beard, the man is hot.) And – bonus! – he was pretty good in the show – and surprisingly funny!
And then there was Saturday. Honestly, even with the Jake play, if I didn’t have the Green Day concert planned, I don’t know what I would have been doing with myself. It was all I could think about – even as I cried and bitched to my friends and family, I kept telling myself, It’s ok. You have Billie Joe and loud guitars and screaming. You can jump around with a thousand other people and drown out the rest of the world for a few hours, and you can get through this.
Opportune timing once more for the band and me. I’m starting to think I should be wary of rather than excited for new Green Day albums. It seems like each one is perfectly timed to come at a particularly shitty time in my life.
I did cry and bitch and wonder why me for the first couple of days. But at some point Saturday night – somewhere between Hitchin a Ride and Wake Me Up When September Ends – I started to feel a heck of a lot better.
It might be that I’m still in a state of shock, and once the novelty of being home on a Monday wears off, I’ll feel differently. It might be that the concert was so amazing that my mind hasn’t really processed anything else yet. Maybe it was the cute, fun, interesting guy – who doesn’t live in New York, because why would I ever meet a cute, fun, interesting guy that lives in New York?! – that we had drinks with after the show that I’m still thinking about. Maybe it was a commanding Steelers win yesterday.
Or maybe I’m actually ok with this.
The honeymoon period in New York wore off a long time ago. I love my life here – I’m just not in love with it. I think about moving back to DC or Pittsburgh or giving Boston a try all the time. Maybe this is the motivation I needed to make that move. Yes, I would much rather be doing it with a steady salary, but I have lots of options. I have friends in both cities who have already offered up their couches to me. I can always go home and let my mom cook for me and go to Pitt football and Steelers (and hopefully Penguins) games with my family. I could actually be home for the holidays.
There’s no part of me that wants to be unemployed, but I’m also not curled up in a ball, feeling sorry for myself and crying all day like I expected myself to be. I’m 30, divorced, unemployed, and a few weeks away from potentially moving back in with my parents… I should be depressed. It would be natural. I am mad, and I am frustrated, and I’m wondering why this had to happen in September of all months. But as I sit here writing this, knowing that writing is when I’m most honest with myself, I’m still not overcome by the negative emotions. So maybe this is a blessing in disguise.
One thing is for certain – the movie script in progress that is my life just got even more interesting. If I don’t find something soon, I at least have more time to work on my book. And you can be sure I’ll write myself a much better ending.