The wit and wisdom of Nick Miller.

Nick Miller is a fountain of wisdom.

Don’t believe me? A sampling of his insight:

Sure, I could get a girl drunk and topless with only some crushed ice, a hollowed out papaya, and two fingers of rum. But then I grew up, and now I only want to make a drink that a coal miner would want. Straightforward, honest. Something that says, “I work in a hole.”

I want to kill you…because I respect you. I think I understand hunting!

20-year-old girls—they think I’m awesome! And look at ’em! They don’t know what Saved by the Bell is and they’ve never felt pain.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? No, a summer’s day is not a bitch.

You get the picture. Or, if you don’t, spend a half hour watching this week’s New Girl, where Nick spouted his most poignant wisdom yet:

You want to know why I don’t like haunted houses? Because they’re just like relationships. You walk in all confident, and then once you get in, it’s not what you thought it was gonna be, and it’s scary!

Oh, Nick. You hit it right on the head there.

Here’s the thing: I actually like haunted houses. I mean, I don’t seek them out and go to one every year, but I do enjoy them. And I love scary movies, and scary books, and scary television shows. I like being scared. I love roller coasters. I want to go bungee jumping someday. I like heights and I love speed. But you know what I am terrified of? Relationships. (And spiders.)

I didn’t think I was. I thought I could jump back into the game whenever I felt like it, that the walls of independence and bitterness and cynicism I’ve built up over the past years could fall down at any time. That I just needed to meet the right guy.

Right now, I’m not so confident.

I’m starting to think that the mere idea of a relationship makes me want to hide under my covers from the world. That the prospect of putting myself out there and letting someone else inside my crazy mind is a little bit terrifying. That I am so scared of getting hurt again that there’s a part of me that would rather be single for the rest of my life.

I over-think and over-analyze in the best of situations. And when I think about it rationally, I know deep down that there is no way I could have seen what happened coming, that in my wildest imagination, I never would have expected my ex to be the type to cheat on me. But I can’t help wondering if I could have done something differently – that had I waited a few more years to get engaged, or had tougher conversations with him, or been more confident and upfront in my convictions, or not gone back to school, then we’d still be together. I go over every step of our relationship in my head, over and over again, wondering where I went wrong. And even though I know it wasn’t my fault – that if someone is going to cheat, they’re going to cheat – I can’t help feeling like maybe I could have prevented it somehow.

It’s crazy talk. I know that. But this is what goes on in my extremely active mind, and this is the lens through which I’m going to see any relationship I might enter into in the future. I consider myself to be very strong. I actually don’t understand a lot of fears. When someone tells me they admire me moving to New York City without knowing many people, I laugh it off. What’s there to be afraid of? If you want to move, then you move. Boom. So realizing that I’m actually really afraid of something is disconcerting. I don’t do afraid. (Unless there’s a spider involved.)

I’m trying so hard to push these fears down, to ignore them and not do the freaking out thing that I know is dangerously close to happening. I’m trying not to over-analyze and over-think, to not look six months into the future and instead concentrate on this week and this week only. I’m trying to remind myself that I’m awesome, rather than wondering why anyone would be into me. But dammit, it’s hard. And it’s scary.

How do I get past that?


5 thoughts on “The wit and wisdom of Nick Miller.

  1. I’m in exactly the same boat – I genuinely believed that my boyfriend and I were perfect for each other; well that is before he dumped me out of the blue. It was later revealed that he had cheated on me with his ex that he had spent six months slagging off. I know exactly how you’re feeling: going over and over every moment of the relationship for any signs, any at all, and when they aren’t there it’s just human nature to blame ourselves. Truth be told you do seem like an incredibly courageous person and I also pride myself on having been brave about extremely difficult situations in my life, but there’s something about being shat on in a relationship that makes me want to head straight for the nearest convent in hope that I never ever have to experience it again. It is all very tough and very scary, but it’s got easier hasn’t it? And it will keep getting easier, until one day we’ll thank the fuckers for teaching us what to steer well clear of in the future. Hope this hasn’t come across as too much of a ‘gurl power’ message and is actually helpful, in a way it’s nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling frightened of opening up again.

    • Thank you for the kind words! I know how you feel – sometimes I just think staying single is just so much easier. But I haven’t gotten to where I am in my life by playing it safe, so I shouldn’t take the easy way out here either. There are many more people out there who feel the same way we do, and we’ll all get through it together. 🙂

  2. I’ve been thinking about this post all weekend. While my ex didn’t cheat on me, we did have to end things eventually due to some issues he needed to work out. I thought we were perfect together, and in many ways we were. The pain of that relationship ending was so great, it’s taken me 3 years to even THINK about dating again. A large part of me does not want to date because I don’t want to go through that pain again. I know it’s nowhere near what you went through, but I think the fear of dating is similar. I finally reached a point of one, I’d like to have that companionship and the good things from a relationship again and two, I didn’t really want him to have that power over me and my life anymore. The best you can do is take it one day, one date, one moment at a time. One date does not mean marriage. One date does not even necessarily mean a second date. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, but don’t go looking for the worst. Hang in there. You’re brave and smart, and you’ll get through it. *hugs*

  3. I read this post because of the Nick Miller reference. But then I kept reading and I feel like I could have written this. Just not as well. But, same sad song. Ex cheats, breaks me (heart? soul?) Then there’s the constant questioning. Why wasn’t I enough for him? And I’ve been dating, to not any success. Feels like there IS something wrong with me and the ex was just the first one who happened upon it. And I’m scared that whatever it was about me that keeps me from getting those 2nd, 3rd, 4th dates is a permanent flaw in my character that no one will love.

    Ugh. But. It probably isn’t me (or you). It’s probably that are ex’s are the biggest sociopathic douches in the world. Sometimes it is just easy to forget that.

    But yeah. Nick Miller. I’d like to marry him.

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