We are officially in the dead of winter. (Yesterday was, after all, the most depressing day of the year… according to Fox News.) We are facing the national nightmare that is the Harbaugh brothers in the Super Bowl. This is the time of year when there are no decent movie releases in sight. (Not even I can defend Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. Sorry, Renner.) But there is hope in sight… for those of you who prefer spring, it will be here before you know it, bringing with it warmer weather, cherry blossoms, and March Madness.
And, as is the tradition around here, with March Madness comes… fictional boyfriend madness. This year, ladies (and quite a few gentlemen), it’s time to evaluate the Movie Boyfriend. And I need your help.
There are obviously many more movie characters than there are television characters, so we’re going to need to put some limits on the qualifications to keep things from getting overwhelming. Our official parameters are as follows:
- The movie has to have been released in the last 30 years – so from 1983 on. Unfortunately that rules out a plethora of incredible characters, but you’ll deal. And if you want to start a Classic Movie Boyfriend Bracket, by all means, go ahead.
- Note: Movie franchises are counted as individual movies. So while Raiders of the Lost Ark was released in 1981, Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade (the best installment, obviously, or get off this blog) was released in 1989, giving Indy his eligibility.
- We will allow two characters per actor, so choose wisely. There is no limit to the number of characters per movie, so if you want to nominate every character from Love Actually, go right ahead.
- We have no limitations of space and time and age and marital status. Just as in the TV Boyfriend Bracket, we’ll imagine we’re still in high school so we don’t feel too creepy about ourselves. (However, a member of my advisory committee did rule Adam Banks ineligible, because regardless of how much I wanted to date him when I was 12, I’m not 12 anymore.)
- For movie adaptations of books, we will be looking at the movie only, and only movies that have actually been released. That means we’re evaluating wimpy movie version Peeta Mellark rather than nuanced and interesting literary Peeta Mellark – and you’re not allowed to consider Catching Fire, since the producers are tormenting us by making us wait until November.
- Historical figures are allowed, but we will be working solely from the movie version of the person. This might be an advantage for some folks – in real life Jack O’Callahan did not look like this.
- There will be no characters from Twilight in this movie. None. My blog, my rules.
So what I need from you is to leave your nominations in the comments – the character, the movie, why you think he should be nominated, and the appropriate bracket for him. (In case you need refreshing, the categories were It’s Complicated, The Nice Guys, The Romantics, and Get Shit Done.) For example:
Douglas Dorsey from The Cutting Edge should be in the Get Shit Done bracket, because he will stop at nothing – not an overbearing father, a boring Ivy League educated fiance, or the dreaded Pamchenko – get in the way of getting the girl and the gold medal. Plus, he’s good at foreplay.
The poll itself will kick off in March, so if you think of someone in a few weeks, you can still come back and nominate them then. Sometime before March, I’ll get together with my esteemed advisory committee and plan the bracket. (Last year involved a significant amount of wine, paper, and spreadsheets. This is a serious endeavor!)
Then the real fun begins. May the best man win!