Nick Miller: ruining all men since 2013.

Let’s take a quick break from the Movie Boyfriend Bracket (voting on the Complicated Bracket is still in session – vote here!) to discuss last year’s TV Boyfriend Bracket. The bracket was a success, and I can’t argue one bit with the winner, but if I were to do it all over again this year there would definitely be some new changes. I’d add a few new guys to the competition – Tom Branson, Peter Quinn, and Dr. Danny Castellano, for example – and I’d seed Vaughn a little higher, because damn, you ladies love Michael Vartan. For the most part, though, I think it was a solid bracket and that we got most of the seedings accurate.

With one very big exception.

Nick Miller of New Girl was slotted in at #8 in the Nice Guys Bracket, losing by only two votes to Steve Brady of SATC in the battle of the bartenders. That was a year ago, following a few episodes in which we learned his credit score was 250 and he proceeded to get drunk with college girls and get lost outside the car. Fast forward a year. I joked last night about redoing the bracket as “Nick Miller vs. Nick Miller,” and I wasn’t entirely joking. If we did the TV bracket this year, there is no doubt in my mind that Nick Miller would give Coach Taylor a serious run for his title.

The thing is, I have no idea why.

(Spoilers ahead, maybe, if you’re not up to date on New Girl.)

I can pinpoint the exact moment when I was first attracted to Nick Miller – it was the very end of last season’s finale, and after moving his stuff out and spending the night in the desert with his old mix tapes from high school (which included such ’90s staples as Breakfast at Tiffany’s and How Bizarre), he surprised his roommates by moving back in. At the end of the episode, Jess opened her bedroom door, and there was Nick standing at his door, with a flirty little smirk on his face, and I thought, “huh. I can see the love now. He’s adorable.”

This season, though, the adorableness has morphed into straight up sexiness, and all of a sudden, every female I know who watches the show is completely in love (and in lust) with Nick. And it’s not like Nick is that desirable of a character or that good looking of a guy. He’s cute, and he’s sweet, but the show makes a point to tell us what a mess he is all the time.

Let him describe himself to you in his own words:

“I’m very poor. Having a checking account would be an honor. I’ve written a zombie book. It’s terrible. I’m a slow runner. I’m obsessed with karate.”

He quit law school. He just started doing his laundry this week. He has pleasured himself to a mail-order steak catalog. This is a man who once decided that walking around the zoo drunk was the same as getting the experience that Hemingway had in order to become a writer. He pronounces wi-fi “wiffy.” He is a grumpy old man in a 30-something body.

He panic moonwalks away from confrontation. He misspelled “rhythm” 38 times in one zombie novel. He wears a hoodie almost every day. (Side note: I had a post in progress about how men should pay more attention to what they wear and invest in a good, tailored suit, inspired by Justin Timberlake and the men of Downton Abbey, but I don’t even care anymore, because Nick Miller is sexy in a hoodie.)

A few months ago, a guy told me he should try to be more like Nick Miller. I laughed, and told him that was nothing to aspire to, but I’m now regretting those words. Men should be more like Nick Miller. I just can’t put my finger on why.

Why is this guy suddenly the best, sexiest thing on television?

Is it because he’s a mess? I don’t have one maternal bone in my body, so it’s not like I want to take care of him. Or, as a friend suggested, is it because, even though he’s a mess, he’s fine with it and is just himself with no games or complications? Is it because he’s goofy as hell and just doesn’t care? Is it all in the way he kisses?

Seriously, readers. Help me make sense of this. What is it about Nick Miller?


14 thoughts on “Nick Miller: ruining all men since 2013.

  1. I too have been pondering this transformation of my judgement of Nick, because I just kind of thought he was adorable last year, and this year I think he is sexy as hell. I do think part of it is in the way he kisses. Damn. But I think also, it’s that he is a good guy. Not the Nice Guy,capital N capital G, who does favors for future sexy brownie points. But he takes care of people, he’s thoughtful, and I think he often does the hard thing of asking the vulnerable question. . . . and like you said, he’s just himself.

    I don’t know. that was kind of free association thinking almost. LOL

  2. It’s not the way he kisses exactly, because we didn’t swoon when he kissed other women. It’s the chemistry between him and Jess – I think THAT is what makes it/them/him so attractive to watch. He kisses her like that because they’re special together. And isn’t that what everybody wants?

    I agree with the comment above that he’s a nice guy. He was the sweetest/hottest when he brought Jess soup and slipped into old-timey speak with her, but again, Jess brings out the sweetness in his personality because there is something special between them.

    Just as Jess is way less annoying in her “adorkability” since becoming attracted to Nick, Nick is more attractive to all women when he melts Jess.

  3. I don’t know Nick or Jess because I have never seen this show. However, that video (of who I am assuming is Nick) could quite possibly tell the whole story. I don’t think there is anything sexier than being lifted up and kissed. Damn.

  4. The first moment I loved Nick was way back in the second episode, when he put on that ridiculous hat to help Jess stand up to her jerk ex-boyfriend. My love for him has grown exponentially since then.

    We’ve talked about this a lot, but the more I think about it, the less mysterious Nick’s appeal is. He’s a really good guy, he’s cute and smart, and he cares about Jess and will do anything for her. What else really matters? Yes, good credit scores and successful careers and clean towels are nice, but they’re not what love is about. And they certainly don’t kiss like Nick Miller does!

  5. I have always liked Nick, but I agree he just gets better and better as the show goes on. Even though his life is a complete mess, he is most often the one taking care of all of his more traditionally successful roommates. He is loyal and trustworthy and always seems to put the needs of his friends above his own. He fixes all the problems in the apartment, even if you do have to specify that you want a “fancy fix” to avoid water bottles and string rigged to the toilet. But I think his appeal can really be summed up by his reaction to 3 little words from Jess: “I need you”, which send him running home, supermodel in tow, to protect her from the golden retriever next door. It’s not about wanting someone to take care of, it’s about wanting someone to take care of you.

    And knowing how to kiss a girl “like a man” definitely doesn’t hurt.

  6. A friend and I have discussed this repeatedly. We all love Nick, but we wouldn’t want to be in that relationship. Schmidt is hilarious, but no. The only marriageable man in that apartment is Winston. “So, like, if you wanna… perchance, like… ay girl! What yo name is? What that thang do?”

    And Nick has been a ruiner since 2012 when, in the pilot, he walked into the restaurant at the end and started singing “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life.”

    “Forget it Jess. I’m building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It’s like high-stakes LEGO’s.”

  7. Ironically I spent most of this morning trying to figure out why I am increasingly obsessed with Nick Miller (as I keep watching YouTube videos of he and Jess)…before I even knew you had this post. I am so glad to hear there a million reasons for my obsesssion!

  8. It’s because everyone can imagine him being their bff. He’s a guy’s guy but likes hanging out with girls. He has imperfections and a crooked nose, pulling the Owen Wilson card out every chance he gets. I wouldn’t call him sexy, just raw. The more you see him the more you are attracted to him.

  9. I like Nick Miller because he’s the perfect ideal boyfriend. He’s weird and quirky. He’s funny and whenever him and Jess are fighting he does something that always makes her forgive him and when he believed Jess when that Brazilian guy was in her bed just made me smile. And then he knocked him out cold

  10. Yeah, I just find Nick annoying and I think the show would be better off without him. Schmidt and Winston are the sexy ones on the show.

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