When I start to feel frustrated and/or lost in my life, I start to make crazy decisions. Not all crazy is alike, of course. My versions of crazy may range on a scale from cutting bangs (hardly crazy and still rocking them a year later) to moving to Greece for a year (extremely crazy but absolutely worth it). But basically, when I start to feel stuck, I need to actively do something to change that. I refuse to just sit still and ignore the frustrations.
It’s been a very frustrating few months, as you know. The more interviews I go on without anyone hiring me, the harder I find it to just power through and smile like everything is ok. Add to that being back in my hometown and also seeing my ten year college reunion on the horizon, and it means I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about where my life has gone up to this point and where it’s going to go in the future. A lot of thinking.
My latest crazy idea began a few weeks ago when I woke up with vivid images from a dream I’d had still in my mind. In the dream, I was getting married, and hastily throwing together a wedding, and as a result I wore the dress I’d worn for my first wedding. It wasn’t a terribly pleasant dream, and I was still rattled a day or two later when it got me thinking.
My dress has been sitting in a closet in my parents house since December 2006. When I was still married, I was fine with that, but after getting divorced, I had no ties to the damn thing anymore. I didn’t want to just throw it out. I tried selling it. I considered donating it. But I never really pulled the trigger on anything, and it’s still sitting in the closet. The dress isn’t the only thing still around – my rings are still in a drawer, having not sold or traded them yet, my album is somewhere downstairs, and I still have the huge, framed portraits that at one time were hanging in our apartment. I don’t want any of this stuff anymore, but I also haven’t made the move to get rid of any of it. Mostly because I don’t know how… those photographs cost a lot of money, so I feel guilty throwing them out, and also part of me is nervous that someday I’ll regret getting rid of them. Not that I can imagine that day, but still. It’s a nagging feeling that I can’t quite shake, and so I still have all of this stuff from my marriage lying around the house.
I’d seen “trash the dress” photo shoots before. I was aware it was a thing. But usually they were happy brides who just didn’t care to put their dress back in a box for the rest of their lives. What if I actually, really, truly trashed the dress?
I started googling. I started thinking more and more. And then I got my tax refund, giving me a little extra cash to do something fun. I think this is how I want to spend some of it. I think it’s a positive way for me to break some of the ties that I’ve been holding on to for nearly three years now. And maybe I won’t feel guilty getting rid of things that once had a lot of sentimental (not to mention monetary) value to me, if I do it in a way that allows me to have fun, get out some aggression, and in the end, have some cool photographs of myself.
I feel ridiculous saying I need closure after three years, but maybe I do.
So I ask you, dear readers – is this crazy? Or fun? Or both? If you were in my position, would you do it? And if so, do you have any ideas? I’ve googled the hell out of “trash the dress divorce ideas” and have found a few, but I know there are a lot of creative minds out there that might have some brilliant concepts. And most importantly, if I go through with this, will any of you come with me and pour the champagne and blast the Kelly Clarkson music?
P.S. The Movie Boyfriend Bracket Sweet Sixteen will be up next week. I’ve had a busy week, and I hate starting voting on Friday. So come back Monday.