After last night’s post about the atrocities you find on OkCupid, I started a little discussion with a few friends about the fact that you can apparently pay people to write your profile for you. I said that I might actually pay for this service, because I just don’t think I convey exactly how awesome I am in my profile. I feel like I’m either bragging too much and sounding pretentious or I’m being too short and sarcastic, which doesn’t always come through in written form. I think I’m a pretty good writer in a lot of other ways, but when it comes to dating profiles (and resumes), I have no idea what to say.
So that’s where you come in. Some of you know me in real life, others only through this blog, but all of you know something about me. Some of you are even dating people you met online, so you must’ve been better at this than I am. And I know you’re reading. I can check the stats. So stop lurking and help a girl out. Leave a comment with a witty, intelligent suggestion for any or all of the following questions. If I meet the love of my life using one of your answers, you can make a toast at my wedding. I think that’s a fair trade!
The question: What I’m doing with my life
What I want to say: I really have no idea. I mean, I organize sports marketing campaigns and events, but beyond that, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
See? I need so much help.
The question: I’m really good at…
My current answer: Writing, I think, or so I’ve been told. Making Buffalo Chicken Dip. Seriously, it’s pretty much the one thing I can cook. Yelling at hockey games on my television.
I can’t do this. Everything I can think of is either dreadfully boring (“editing grad school papers”) or makes me sound ridiculous (“drinking sangria. I’m really good at that.”).
The question: The first things people usually notice about me…
What I want to say: my butt. Or that I’m really loud.
But I shouldn’t. I should not say those things.
The question: I spend a lot of time thinking about…
What I want to say: whether Jesse Pinkman is ok. Or how my meet cute with Seth Meyers in a Manhattan coffee shop will go. Or re-arranging my top five list.
I don’t think prospective dates want to hear about how I’m thinking about other men.
The question: On a typical Friday night I am…
The honest answer: probably sitting at home, drinking wine in my pajamas, and watching whatever TV I didn’t watch live that week.
Oh my God, I am so boring.
The question: You should message me if…
What I want to say: you aren’t a total weirdo, you don’t have a shirtless bathroom selfie picture, and/or you have any interest in any sports at all.
Seriously, at this point I’d take two out of three.
Help me, people. Help me figure out how to make my dating resume better. Or, maybe don’t, because if I’m happy with my answers and still not getting any dates, well, then I have to accept that I guess it’s just me that’s the problem.