I’ve been away for awhile. I just haven’t had much motivation to write, nor has there been anything exciting going on in my life to write about. But I have a lot of free time for the next few weeks, because I literally fell crossing the street over the weekend and fractured a bone in my foot, and as such, I can’t work out or do much walking for awhile… which in New York basically kills your social life if you don’t have the funds to take taxis everywhere (which I don’t).
So after being gone for awhile, I have a lot of thoughts, and since this is where I put all of those thoughts and you come here to read those thoughts, here are the thoughts. I’ve been letting them build for six weeks. They’re all over the place.
On women being beaten or cheated on and then attending the beater or cheater’s press conference
Stop it, ladies. Please. If you want to stay with your man and work it out in private, I completely respect that. But you do not have to sit next to him in public, as Janay Rice did last week, in one of the most infuriating press conferences I’ve ever seen. A press conference in which a man who had beaten a woman to the point of unconsciousness said “Failure is not getting knocked down. It’s not getting up.” A press conference which the Ravens official social media reported on extensively without any shred of respect for a woman in an abusive relationship. A press conference in which – I shit you not – the woman who was beaten to the point of unconsciousness apologized.
Let that sink in. She apologized for “her role” in whatever happened that night. The night she was beaten so hard that she was dragged out of an elevator. And then the Ravens tweeted about it. I don’t give a fuck what she did that night. I don’t care if she hit Ray 100 times. There is absolutely nothing on earth that justifies what Ray did, and she has absolutely nothing to apologize for.
I get that when you’re a public figure and you have an image to uphold, the faithful wife gets you a lot of points. And I also get that – however infuriating this is – Janay married Ray even after this incident. She’s not the first woman to stay with a man who mentally or physically abuses her, and she won’t be the last. What made this more upsetting than Hilary Clinton or Huma Abedin or Vanessa Laine Bryant was the barbarism of the incident, shown in a video that anyone can Google, and the fact that, again, she apologized AND the team tweeted her apology in particular.
Ladies in the public realm, I know that it’s your life to live and not ours to judge. I’m sure you have your reasons, and they may be valid. But know that, as someone in the public realm, there are a lot of people who will look to you for cues on how to live their own lives. There are a lot of women out there, probably a lot of football fans or Ravens fans in particular, who are sadly in abusive relationships. They saw a woman who married the man who beat the living daylight out of her, and then they saw her sit next to him and apologize for “her role” in what happened. Some of those women may have been looking for the strength to leave, and instead they heard a message that they themselves were partially to blame.
The Ravens should never have asked Lanay to be present at that press conference, and no one should have asked her to apologize. But I wish so badly that Lanay had declined, that even if she wanted to remain married to Ray, she told him – and the team’s PR staff – that she would rather stay behind the scenes, that it wasn’t her statement that needed to be made.
It was sickening to hear, and I’m luckily someone who has never had that horrible experience. I can’t even imagine how I’d feel if I had. I’m not convinced that people can change, but for Janay Rice’s sake, I pray to God they can.
Anyway. On to more lighthearted topics.
Looking for something good to binge on while you try to escape the heat this summer? I highly suggest Orphan Black. I devoured the entire first season in basically a weekend, and I think the second season has been even better. The mythology of the show completely sucked me in, and nearly all of the actors are fantastic – particularly one incredibly talented actress who plays a multitude of characters, often against each other, though I won’t tell you how many or why because that would ruin the fun of getting into the show. Just trust me on it.
And if you’re looking for something a little creepier (though Orphan Black does have its share of creep), might I suggest Bates Motel? It’s not quite as binge-worthy, and a bit of a slower build, but the second season closed really strong, showing us the strongest hints yet of what Norman Bates will eventually become. The ending of a TV series is so closely analyzed and debated these days, and that’s what I like so much about the concept of Bates Motel – if you’ve seen or read Psycho, you know how this series will end. You know who Norman grows up to be and what happens to his mother. The genius of the show is watching this version of the story of how it happened – and often finding yourself sympathizing with a kid you know will grow up to be a serial killer.
OK, so maybe that wasn’t the most lighthearted topic either. Let’s get to the fluffy stuff.
I would be embarrassed to have another wedding with 250 people. They’ve all seen me do it before, I’d think. If (and that’s a huuuge if) I ever do get married again, it’s going to be small, and it’s going to be the polar opposite of the big autumnal Catholic wedding I did the first time around. Not Kim, though. Kim clearly does not possess the embarrassment gene. She definitely does not possess the self-awareness gene, because she thought another over-the-top wedding was necessary. I hate her. I hate him. And I hate myself for clicking to see their photos.
On Jake Gyllenhaal
Jake, honey. You can look so good. Why are you insisting on looking so bad? Please be for this Mt. Everest movie you’re making (which I am really hoping is amazing, because I’m totally fascinated by Everest), because your spot in my top five is precarious right now if it’s just you being like, “hey, wonder what it’s like to look homeless.”
On James McAvoy
Never stop talking, k? I have never seen an X-Men movie, nor do I ever plan to see an X-Men movie, but I will listen to every single interview you do this month, because oh. my. god. your. accent.
On the man who chased me out of a bar to ask for my phone number
So a few weeks ago, this guy ran out of a bar and caught up with me a block away to tell me he thought I was cute and ask for my number. I gave it to him, thinking “even if he’s weird or the date sucks, this is going to be a hell of a story.” He texts me the next night, tries to make some plans but I was heading out of town, and then checks back in to see when I’m back in town. Then… radio silence. Not another word from him. To repeat, this is just days after he literally ran out of a bar to chase me down.
What the actual fuck is wrong with men?
On the Penguins
I still can’t even.